Here in the Mystery

Humans are born with curiosity of the future. Most of us always want to know what’s going to happen next. It’s so obvious that even we can see it in our children. Lines like “Are we there yet? So, what’s after the movie, mom? What are we gonna do this weekend? How many more days until Christmas? I wonder what will I get for my birthday?”

The details of tomorrows.

When I was in High School, I begged God to show me the details of my future, how my life is going to be in college, whom am I going to marry, the number of children I would have, the career path O would take, the city I would live and so on. It seemed like life would be a lot easier, smoother, and better if only we are given previews of what’s coming next.

Oh God, please show just a little bit of my future then I will be at peace.
But will I? Will you?

Seven years ago just when I thought I had a hold of my life and sort of knew how my future would be, my life went the other way around. At the age of 32, I became a widow with three young children. Aside from the grief, aside from the fear of what’s coming next, I chose a different direction by asking God not to tell me anything. As much as I was scared of the present I was even more scared of the future.

Although it was fear at the beginning but as I made myself comfortable living with the mystery, I discovered beauty. The beauty of trusting Someone who knows everything about me.

I will trust
Here in the mystery
I will trust
In you completely
-Amanda Cook

When God made a promise “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope”, He meant it well. For me, His words can be trusted and I choose to leave the details as mysteries. All I need is just a direction for the next step.

“Give God the right to direct your life, and as you trust him along the way you’ll find he pulled it off perfectly!”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭37:5‬ ‭TPT‬‬

Some of you might hear this story before but allow me to share one more time. One year after my world was turned upside down, God nudged my heart to move back to my birth country. With zero idea of what would come in the package, I told the kids, let’s give this (crazy) nudge a try. With a questions-filled-heart I bought four tickets, packed just enough of our lives in eight suitcases and hopped on the airplane to Indonesia. It was as if the airplane went into a thick cloud and disappear into the mystery.

Yet in the other side of the thick cloud, God came through over and over and over again. He took me to places that I have never imagined, trusted me with grander things beyond my wildest dream, and ushered me into a journey of finding my purpose in life. Even with a broken heart and a broken dream, the Good Good Father pulled off every single plan perfectly. From mystery into beautiful reality.

Friends, whether you are at a crossroads or in the midst of a storm or just being curious, I pray that your heart will stay secured in God’s love. He can be trusted, His plan is for a hope and a future and He is the details Master. Trust Him in the mystery and trust Him completely.

For His Glory, 

Felecia

Picking Up where We Left Off

February 21, 2018
Personal journal entry

Today Heaven is rejoicing as one of the greatest man alive finally arrived in his home. My mind can only imagine an epic homecoming party for a son who has given literally every single flesh, blood, tears, sweat, joy, love, smile, and hope for his Heavenly Dad while living on his temporary home. 

Today the world is honoring a hero who have impacted the world in indescribable way. For me, Rev. Billy Graham is a living testimony of how a temporary life on earth is given for an eternal purpose no mind can fanthom. Although I never knew him in person, my heart is saddened as I scroll down the Instagram feed yet at the same time encouraged as I witness how big is His faith in God. Through his faith I could see the beautiful unseen. Through his simple words, Rev. Billy Graham was able to paint a clear picture of the eternal home, the destination of our souls, the place where my soul longs for, the house where my soul will dwell peacefully, the home that is built originally for all of us.

Today my eyes were opened. For weeks, I have struggled with the big question of life “What is God’s purpose for me? Am I walking on the right track?”. A question that I believe many of us seek for the answer throughout our lives. A question that commonly appears when we are overwhelmed with responsibilities, passion and dreams. A question that pops out when things do not go as we wish for, when the outcome is different than our expectation. A question that (I believe) will continue to show up once in a while and is essential for our souls to stay in tune with the heartbeat of our Creator.

Today, I realize that my soul has the answer from the very beginning. My soul knows that I am created and wired for a great purpose given by my Father: to love Him, to make Him known and to make others encounter God. The what, where, when, how is personalized for my story and revealed just enough for me to take the next step. Today, Rev. Billy Graham has given a glimpse of my happy ending and for that, my heart is content. 

Today, Holy Spirit reminds me that every challenge, every battle, every tear, every pain, every sweat, every question is incomparable to the joy that is awaiting at the end of my story.

Friends, if you are currently battling with similar questions, I pray that today your eyes will be opened and your heart will be light. Let’s pick up where we left off and continue to rock the journey. 

For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. 

Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 

So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now;
rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen.
For the things we see now will soon be gone,
but the things we cannot see will last forever.
2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Rev. Billy Graham, thank you for today and I cannot wait to see you in person one day. 

For His Glory~

Felecia 

Thirty Nine Life-Lessons in 39 Years

Today I turn thirty-nine. When I was nineteen, I used to wonder about the future. I used to imagine how it would feel to be thirty. But what happened between nineteen to thirty nine were beyond imaginations. Last night I wrote down several lessons I have learned throughout my life and at the end of point 39, I stepped back and smiled, "Oh, this life, so precious, so full, so beautiful indeed", my heart whispered.

Thirty-nine life lessons in thirty nine years:

1. Family comes first.
    After God.
    Before dreams, career, money, power and fame.

2. Listen to your parents.
    They know so much more than you.

3. Giving birth to a child means giving birth to yourself.

4. Your children will automatically copy you .
    So be the person that you want them to be.

5. As much as you love your children,
    always remember that God loves them more.

6. Listened children listen.

7. Spending time and energy
    raising your children is still the greatest investment.

8. Validate feelings. Stop ignoring them.

9. Prayer is more powerful than worry.

10. You can be alone but not lonely.

11. Your heart can break into million pieces
      But it can also be mended again 
      into a stronger heart.

12. Death of a loved one sucks.
      The pain is indescribable 
      but you can go through grief
      and come out stronger that you can imagine.

13. It’s okay to cry when you are sad
      but it’s also okay to laugh when you’re still half sad.

14. A journey of grief is like
      walking into the valley of the shadow of death.
      You may feel like experiencing death
      but then you are awaken by life itself.

15. Life begins today.

16. At night when you lay in bed,
      recall three good things of the day,
      give thanks to God and go to sleep.
      I bet you won’t hit the snooze button the next day.

17. Giving is not easy when you live in lack,
      but lack is only a state of mind.
      So give anyway,
      even when you feel like
      you don’t have anything to give
      because you are that something.

18. You are enough.
      Stop searching out and start looking in.
      God has placed everything you need in you.

19. You are created uniquely,
       Stop comparing yourself to others,
       it will never make you appreciate yourself
       and your amazing Creator.

20. God is always good even when you see nothing good.

21. Whatever dream you have, it’s yours to keep.
       Hard work and perseverance is required.

22. There’s bravery in you.
       Walk with your head held high.
       God is your bravery.

23. You are created to conquer any challenges.
       Sometimes quick, sometimes a bit longer,
       But you will conquer.

24. Everything in life needs time and nurturing to grow,
      including yourself.

25. Forgiveness is indeed a decision
       to walk out from your own prison.

26. You may be disappointed
       but choose to move forward
       and see the beauty behind
       any setback and disappointment.

27. The truth says
      "you are precious,
       you are never forgotten,
       you are not forsaken"
      The liar says
      "you are nobody,
       you are forgotten,
       you are not as good as the others"
       Choose wisely.

28. To mainain any relationships,
       first you must maintain the relationship within you.

29. In order to grow,
      you need to be willing to listen
      to the people whom you seek as leaders or mentors
      because for some reasons,
      they can see a bit farther than you.

30. Don’t overanalyze,
    be brave and take risk.
      You only live once.

31. It’s okay to ask questions
      And it’s okay not to find the answers.
      Some matters are better left as mysteries. 

32. Most of the time,
      the answers of your prayers are different
      than any of your imaginations.

33. To know what you really want in life is
      a journey of searching deep within.

34. Living life in full color is a heart attitude.

35. You can be someone’s answered prayer.
      Be willing to say yes
      when God ask you to do something
      (even when it doesn't make sense.)

36. You can find joy even when your eyes are closed.

37. It’s better to do what you can do today
      than worrying about tomorrow.

38. Sometimes we need to watch and wait patiently
      for someone, for something to grow and bloom.

39. Life is hard but we can do hard things.
      Loving others is hard
      Marriage is hard
      Raising kids is hard
      Building career is hard
      Serving people is hard
      Pursuing dream is hard
      Staying on course is hard

      This is how we were created to be
      We can do all things 
     through Christ 
     who gives us strength.

Can you relate to any of these thirty nine life-lessons? 
Send me a message and let me know which one, 
I would love to know your story.




Felecia