Lenders of Hope #adecadeofdivinejourney
Lend me your hope for awhile,
I seem to have mislaid mine.
Lost and hopeless feelings accompany me daily,
pain and confusion are my companions.
I know not where to turn; looking ahead to future times does
not bring forth images of renewed hope.
I see troubled times, pain-filled days, and more tragedy.
Lend me your hope for awhile,
I seem to have mislaid mine.
Hold my hand and hug me;
listen to my ramblings, recovery seems so far distant.
The road to healing seems like a long and lonely one.
Lend me your hope for awhile,
I seem to have mislaid mine.
Stand by me, offer me your presence, your heart and your love.
Acknowledge my pain, it is so real and ever present.
I am overwhelmed with sad and conflicting thoughts.
Lend me your hope for a while;
a time will come when I will heal,
and I will share my renewal,
hope and love with others.
Adapted from the poem “Lend Me Your Hope,” author unknown
– taken from Neil T Anderson's, “Victory Over The Darkness”. Regal Books, 2000.
A decade ago, I lost a husband, the father of our children. I lost a dream. I lost the future. I lost hope. I almost lost my mind (or maybe I did several times). There were days when I could function but there were more days when I was paralyzed by fear of the unkown.
It was like driving in a thick fog. Should I just stop driving? But what if there’s a car behind me? Should I go on? But I could see nothing. It’s suffocating and I saw nothing but pain, brokenness, sadness, anger, and hopelessness.
I lost hope or maybe I mislaid mine. Trying hard to process what was happening but it seemed like hope was nowhere to be found.
BUT GOD
He knew what I needed. He knew I needed to see, even just a glimpse of the future. So in days following the death of my husband and the death of a dream, God sent people, the LENDERS OF HOPE.
God sent two men who lost their dad at the early age, as young as a year old, to share their journey with my children. Listening to their stories gave me a little hope that my children will be okay even when the have to grow up without a dad.
God sent a family who have tasted and seen God’s faithfulness to their widowed-mom. The mom was in her 80s back in 2011 and she has been widowed for 50 years, raised 6 children on her own, went through hard season but yet, her God has always been faithful. The family has grown bigger and has had such a beautiful bond within them. The way they were loving, supporting and covering each other was beyond words. I could see the banner of love all over this family and I wanted that. I want my children to grow up loving, supporting and covering each other. “God will never leave you or forsake you. He will take care of your children. He will take care of you and you will never lack anything” was a message given by one of her sons from the pulpit that Sunday afternoon in Summer of 2011
God sent a grandma who has been widowed for 30+ years and she was there to encourage me to never be afraid, to never worry, to trust God.
God sent a widow, her son and daughter. Her husband died at such a young age when the son was only one. The son has grown to be a young man, about 20 yr old at that time. Raised by a single mom, he turned out to be such a fine young man and I could sense how much he loved and protected his mom and younger sister. In my brokenness, I could see a glimpse of the future for my son.
God sent a 5th grade teacher who just lost his dad for my daughter. He was there to empathize and encourage my daughter. She would come home telling stories about her teacher and what would he do when missing his dad.
God sent numerous testimonies of women who lost their husbands at such a young age and I had a chance to learn from their lives first-hand. I saw a glimpse of my journey.
God gave me a chance to spend three years watching my own grandma, who was widowed for 38 years. As her granddaugher, I tasted the fulfillment of God’s promises to widows and the fatherless. I was actually one of the miracles that came out of my grandma’s trust in God. Her faith was her legacy to her children, grandchildren & great-grandchildren. That precious three years was enough to give me a preview of what kind of a legacy I would want to leave my children with.
God sent people along the way with their life stories, stories of heart-break, stories of life-rebuilt, stories of the kindness of God even in the midst of suffering
And today, a decade later, I have seen it, I have tasted it,
the faithfulness of a Best Friend
the fathering of a Heavenly Father
the provision of a King
the tender care of the One my soul longs for
the protection of a Mighty Warrior
the miraculous way of a Savior
the help of a Deliverer
the shelter of a Strong Tower
the ways of the Wisdom
And not only I have encountered God, He also gave me a chance to use stories out of my wounds to lend hope. Throughout the past ten years, God let me to widows, single moms and the brokenhearteds, for that, I am truly honored.
I am here because of Grace and because of you, lending me hope that day.
You are the answer of a prayer whispered in ruins.
xx,
Felecia
June 15, 2011-June 15, 2021 15, 2021
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