One Peace at a Time (part 2)
Have you ever walked into a room, smelled something and suddenly a vivid memory rushed in? The scent of a particular perfume, the sweet smelling of a cake baked in the oven, the smell of spring morning, and so on.
Vivid memories, beautiful or painful.
For me, it's not a smell but it's a song, a beautiful song indeed.
The radio was always on in our house and the song was played almost every other hour during that time. So, I heard it over and over again during my early grieving days.
"Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always"
-ALWAYS by Kristian Stanfill
Months passed by, as grief continued to move in, I became really upset whenever I hear the song. I would turn off the radio or simply switch to a different station. Nobody knew, just me. It was painful, and many times the pain was unbearable. The lyric was ripping apart my barely healed wound.
How can I trust?
Will He ever come through?
I will not fear, is it even possible?
A few months ago, my sister excitedly mentioned a song that has been a blessing for her. It's "the song" that I always tried to run away from. I opened up and told her how I feel. She understood. She stopped singing it.
The song was sang several times at church and I always tried to get through it as fast as I can. Until last Sunday, the song was sang once again at church. I was stunned this time. I was not able to even open my mouth. But deep in my heart, I cried out loud and ask Jesus to rescue me from disbelief, from doubt, from anger, from the pain. And He showed up. He came to my rescue. Tears started falling down my cheek, gently He took my hardened heart and said, "It's OK, My daughter, I understand". "Forgive me, Lord" I cried. "I forgave you already".
It's OK, My daughter, I understand.
I forgave you already.
To believe again
To be at peace
To sing again
with trust instead of doubt
I am healed
Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear
Isaiah 58:8
Brokenhearted friends, our journey are different from each other but we share one thing, we long to be healed and mended. One thing that I can assure you is to trust in God's timing. Be patient with yourself. Be open to yourself. Some wounds heal faster, some take longer, but they will heal because Jesus is the Healer. And He longs to heal, mend, and make each of us whole again.
Love,
Felecia
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