Colors of Grief

Growing up, I used to be dressed in colors. My mother was a big fan of anything vibrant, charming, and lively. My favorite color was yellow. My favorite flower was sunflowers. I gave each of my three babies their own “birth” color. We painted rooms in our house yellow, red, green, and purple. The kids’ closet was filled with colorful-pattern-y matching outfits. I comfortably wore colorful outfits, bags & shoes. My favorite season was summer simply because it was always bright, sunshine-y and full of colors. My life before grief was full of colors.

But nine years ago, I needed something to comprehend my shattered life, so I put on a pair of grayscale glasses. June 2011, the day after he passed away, I made up my mind to embrace only black, white and grey. The pain was unbearable and I needed some kind of a shield to make sure that nothing could hurt me even more. A few years into grief, I found myself living comfortably within black, white and grey.

How long does grief last? 
When will it end? 
When will I be over it?

As grief cannot be mapped on a timeline, I didn’t really know how long would I stay in grief. What I knew was that I started to see colors through my grayscale glasses. Seeing red in December, pink in February, pastel colors in April, yellow in summer days, army green in September, terracotta in November did not really intimidate me anymore. And I started to have the courage to put them on again.

Friends, there is no timeline for grieving. Maybe for you, it has only been a day, a week, a month, a year, five years, or a decade. So, when you ask me “How long does grief last?” I don’t know, I really don’t know. What I do know is there will be a marking moment along the journey when you decide to move forward. And when you can see the colors of your life-before-grief again, you know that your heart is healing. Those colors will come alive and give much deeper meanings for you.

Friends, in your journey of healing, give grace to yourself, be patient, and believe that God wants to heal your broken heart. Soon, you will see colors again.

It’s hard to turn the page when you know someone won’t be in the next chapter, but the story must go on. -Thomas Wilder


You are never alone,
Felecia