How to be Unbroken

Nine years ago

My bright days turned into the darkest nights

Death tore my heart apart 

The love of my life died

The dream was shattered

The future turned pitch black

The worst of the worst came uninvited 

How could I walk with an amputated leg?

How could I crawl with a paralyzed body?

How could we live with a big hole in our hearts?

There was no way to survive 

The heartbreak was uncontainable 

I didn’t know how to live with wounds and bruises all over my body  

The thought of raising our kids on my own choked me

I was scared for their future

My mind could not comprehend the fact that they will grow up without a dad

The knot in my stomach

I choked every time I needed to breathe

But still I had to take the pill

The one I never thought to swallow

It has been nine short and long years

I thought I would not live longer than him (died at 37) 

I thought my heart would stay broken forever 

I thought I would not survive hopeless nights filled with mourning, weeping, crying

I thought my kids would grow up wounded

I thought I would be a bitter, sour, sad woman

I thought I would be paralyzed forever 

I thought I would never have the courage to dream again 

I thought I would be rejected by the community

I thought I would live feeling forsaken and forgotten forever

But I had to choose

Because three lives depended on me

Because he is still living in those three young lives

Because perhaps the future is still here

Maybe I just needed to let the sun rises again

So I let the Healer heals the wounds

I made peace with living as a weak & broken woman

I let my eyes to see beauty in ashes

And I chose not to waste my pain

Because one day somebody out there needs to know that 

there is hope after the death (of a loved one)

Friends, if your heart is broken now, let me tell you a secret: don’t be scared of brokenness. 

Because tomorrow when you wake up, you will be a little bit unbroken, and the next day, and the next day, until one day, five months from now, 70 weeks from now, nine years from now, you will be unbroken almost completely. 

as captured by @robby.gunawann

You are not alone, my friends!

-Felecia

Dear DJW, 

It has been a long nine years and never a single day I didn't think about you. The kids has grown up well, I know you would be proud. We miss you dearly, you are always in our hearts. xoxo