[#hopeagain] How Hopelessness looks like

It has been five months since the world was flipped upside down by a virus. A month into the quarantine, I wrote a post titled “I wonder” and since then wandering has been my constant friend. 

“How do you think the world is going to be after covid?”

This one question has been lingering in my head. I would ask myself constantly. I would exchange thoughts with my children, friends, co-workers and of course google. I would imagine & ponder and especially when I am out on the road, the question would pop out every single time. I never realized it until last week. I was going to a friend’s house, sitting in the middle seat with my adopted adult kid, as I was looking out the window and saw how people were doing life as usual, I threw the question again “How do you think the world is going to be after covid?”
Immediately, her response was “You always ask the same question whenever we are in the car” I guess she was tired of answering (LOL) but it was a wake up call for me.

That night, I asked myself “Why do I ask that question over and over and over again?

Mindfulness alert!

The next day, as it started to really sink in, I realized how I have been really anxious about tomorrow and gradually have lost hope along the way. I have become hopeless and asking that question was my effort to find hope again.

July 27th, 2012 was the day when the kids and I packed our lives in 8 large suitcases + 2 carry-ons and decided to start a new chapter in an unfamiliar-familiar place. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. I was clueless, confused, anxious, heartbroken and hopeless. Like a scene in a war movie, my future exploded, everything was smoky, the vision was blurry, the ears were ringing.

Eight years ago, I never asked “How is my world going to be after grief?” But I remembered clearly how hopeless I was. People would come to me and ask
“So, what’s your plan?
How long are you going to stay in Indonesia?
What are you going to do there?
How are the kids going to adjust to the school system?
When are you coming back?”

And every single time, I always felt like crying, running and hiding in the closet. The only answer I could give them was “I don’t know”. And I always wished they could get into my head and see how ruined the thoughts of my future were.


He showed Himself to the hopeless me and proved me that He always does what He says He would do. He is the Waymaker, Miracle Worker, Promise Keeper. Light in the darkness. He is the Great I am.

And here we are, eight years later. The smoke went away, the ears were no longer ringing, the vision was much clearer, the ruins have been rebuilt, in fact, He gave us new things to build and to steward.

More than the fact that the history will repeat itself, what I believe is we all have ONE TRUE GOD who will never lie, therefore He will keep every promise He has given to His children

Friends, I know many of you can relate to the hopelessness I have been feeling in the past five months. Some of you may realize that you have been hopeless or lost all hope. But let me invite you to a journey of finding #hopeagain. Join me as we continue to unpack His words, His promises, and His truth in the next few weeks. Let’s start the conversation, join the mailing list so you won’t miss any new post, drop me emails with your story & prayer requests. Let’s find hope together.

You and I will make it through. Immanuel.



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